Acccess the online course. Road to Resilience

Building Resilience

In my role as a psychologist working with serving and retired combat veterans who have presented with a range of difficulties including, anxiety, depression, PTSD, and chronic pain to name a few, I have realised the prevalence of unresolved, or stuck/frozen grief. It is this unrecognised grief that when addressed becomes the key to unlocking resilience, the healing of trauma and the development of wellbeing. The following paper is dedicated to these courageous individuals.


 The Map is a simple, easy to remember picture that explains complex psychological processes everyone goes through during life. The Map is a unique approach to understanding life, trauma, resilience, and grief and loss. The Map presents a visual guide to the journey of our lives and provides us with an opportunity to realise connections between our actions, thoughts, feelings, and beliefs. To understand the stories that we tell ourselves and others. To discover where we might have some stuck energy in various places on the map. And to understanding the journey and the process of change.  Credit to Roslyn Synder (clinical psychologist) Perth, WA for the original map idea .   https://wisdominyourlife.com.au/

  • THE MAP OF RESILIENCE


    The Journey of our Lives


    Click on the right hand side arrow to follow the road to resilience where complex psychological processes we all go through in life are explained.

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    We have many relationships in our lives. Relationships with our partner, family, friends, living things (pets), non-living things (houses, businesses or cars) and our own bodies, thoughts, feelings and beliefs

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    At 'some point' these relationships will change, either gradually or catastrophically

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    If a relationship changes slowly, we take the voluntary off ramp.  e.g. deciding together to end a marriage, a slow unfolding terminal illness, or growing out of childish obsessions.   If we take the voluntary off ramp, the swamp of feelings is like a shallow puddle we splash through.

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    Sometime there is pressure for us to stay in a relationship, or to continue with a career path, that is not right for us.  So we are pushed back up the ladder, back onto a relationship highway that is headed for catastrophe

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    Sometimes relationships can change catastrophically.  Break ups, accidents, injury, illness, death, messy divorce, bankrupcy, or natural disasters can hit us hard and throw us into a swamp of feelings.

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    When this happens the swamp of feelings can be very deep and very wide.  And we might sink into the depths and be swamped by our emotions.

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    Help Seeking is everything if we find ourselves sinking too deep. 



    Learning a bunch of strategies to get us up to the surface of the swamp of feelings is an essential priority and necessary life skill

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    Swimming through the swamp of feelings is a difficult, seemingly impossible task. Powerful emotional undercurrents threaten to drown us in chaos and annihilation 

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    Knowing how to swim to the edge and find something solid on which to stand is of paramount importance.  Then we can regain our energy and at some stage have the courage to swim across the swamp

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    Some of us will get out of that swamp of feelings at high speed, in order to avoid our frightening and uncomfortable feelings and emotions.  It is a scary place to be swamped by your feelings.

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    Sometimes we get stuck in the anger and guilt mudflats.  We seek to blame someone or something for our woes. We sink deeply into muddy emotions and find it difficult to wade our way through them.

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    If we avoid swimming the swamp and avoid experiencing our feelings and emotions.  There is a risk that we will drown our emotions out with alcohol, drugs and other addictions.  The worst consequence of this is the desolate desert, where we lose connection and meaning.

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    Climbing out of the swamp of feelings is no easy task.  We are prone to have some good days and then find ourselves being overwhelmed by our emotions again.  

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    Eventually, over time, we will find ourselves in the forest of hope.  Here we have a chance. for some deep rest, to reconnect, recover our energy, and to become forward focussed again.

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    The rocky paths represent our ongoing journey in life after being devasted by loss.  This phase is about making meaning, trusting and finding our passion and purpose in life again.  This is called post-traumatic growth

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    When we reach the seemore mountains.  We have regained our energy to design and build the life of our choosing.  We can create a compelling vision, practice feeling certain we will obtain it, and act relentlessly in pursuit of it.

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    From the seemore mountains we can choose another relationship highway to travel down,  If we have done the work, our priorities and values will be different and will will be wiser in choosing new relationships

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    Sometimes we bypass this psychological landscape and jump straight into new relationships.  That's OK from time to time.  But remember that resilience comes from conscious engagement in the journey through the map

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    We will travel through the swamp many times in our lives.  Each time we will learn new skills and we will reclaim lost parts of ourselves that have become stuck in various places on the map.  This will give us renewed energy and vigour for life.  It is the journey towards wholeness

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